Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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