My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
