I am midnight drunk by noon
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
