I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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