He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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