You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
