Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
