I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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