I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i dont even know how to be here
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
