btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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