he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
