the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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