dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
