i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
