I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
