I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
