what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
