I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
