In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
