Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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