I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
