I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
