I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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