i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
