Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
