I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
