Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
