i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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