Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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