just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
