What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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