I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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