Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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