a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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