i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
