and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize