I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
