5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think people are normalizing furries
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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