there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
