Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
