Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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