The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
