i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize