Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
