someone get that fucking seahorse.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
