Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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