I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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