you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
