i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
