I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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