The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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