I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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