Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
