Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
