Are we in a gay sports bar?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
