So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
