i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize