genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
