Duck Duck Cougar?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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