The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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