is your mom at the bar?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
