It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
