you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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