i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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