New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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