you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
