I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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